respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
