I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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