I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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