I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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