you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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