life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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