I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
