the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
