I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is Oprah even human
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
