Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize