I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
