im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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