do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I won't apologize to a one balled man
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
