Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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