i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
