I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
