I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
