I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
