It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
