Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
