best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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