Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
