And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
