dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
