So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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