there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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