Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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