sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
