You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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