I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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