Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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