Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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