what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
