I just cut my nipple shaving
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
