the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
