I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
