...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
