Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
