Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
