Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
