You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
