You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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