well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
