Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
