its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
