you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
