Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
