I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
North Korea, Best Korea!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
