It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
