Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
