Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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