she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
