Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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