So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
