Soap is not a condiment
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
