Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
