i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
