I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
