I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
