I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
