At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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