you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
