Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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