don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
