im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
