tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
