I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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