ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
