mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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