forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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