There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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