i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
