Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize