I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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