it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
