I am in a vortex of obligation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
