Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
