I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
