I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fuck appropriateness.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize