Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
