It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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