did you get engaged???
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
