Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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