I just saw a hot homeless man
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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