idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
