Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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