people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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