The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
