I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
