I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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