I'm really into asian looking animals
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
