I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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