Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
