Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
