haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
