i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
