I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize