I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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