he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize