i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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