my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
