omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize