I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
